Hello big brother as you can see its the first time I have written on here I know I should have written before but never knew what to write. You have probably been watching and seen my beautiful little girl Kara I know I never met you but everyday my little girl wakes up and smiles at me it reminds me of you and the way people called you smiler I see that in her too. Christmas was hard for me this year wishing that my big brother had been here to share his nieces first one but I'm sure you were watching her being as cheeky as ever. I'm 21 soon so I'm supposed to start being an adult officially but really all I want to do is be a good mum so if you don't mind if I'm being to hard on Kara sometimes or not showing her how much I love her just let me know please & just watch over her and protect her I know if you are her guardian angel she has got the best one in the whole world. I look forward to meeting you one day not just yet though I have to make sure my beautiful baby bear is okay before I leave her & I wanted to say thank you I know you saved me that Christmas & I think its because you knew I was destined to find Trev and have Kara I owe you one big bro. I know I don't really need to ask but make sure you watch out for sara & dad to if you could fined sara's match please send him in her direction as I think she too needs A bit of happiness in her life at the minute and she would make an amazing mum if you have seen how good she is with Kara you will agree, she is doing well for herself though got a good job and and a house she is amazing to have done that all on our own I think we can say our big sister is one in a million :). Dad is doing okay at the minute me and him don't really see eye to eye on a lot of stuff we have become quite distant over the past few years which I don't like but its mainly due to choices we have both made I'm sure if you were here you would have banged our heads together by now if its not being to cheeky I would ask one more favour could you help get mine and dads relationship back to how it used to be I miss being able to talk to him really and he is missing out on things with Kara to which I hate I just really want my dad back and I worry that if things don't change with us soon they will become unchangeable so if you could give us both a kick up the butt at the right time that would be great. I've given you loads to read anyway & you probably see my feelings on things when your watching me feel free to throw something at me from time to time if you think I'm wrong as sometimes its hard for me to see when I'm being a brat and lets face it thats what big brothers are for knock us down a peg or two when we get to big for our boots :P. I love you so much and hope you are happy where ever you are and one more thing I know people wont agree with me about this but if you do see mum be mad at her for the way she treat us and tell her off but then forgive her I never understood her until I had Kara but I know if I lost my little girl there would be nothing in this world that could make me better. She made a lot of mistakes how she treat me and sara I know I wouldn't do the same if I was in her shoes but I finally understand a little of what she must have gone through and I have forgiven her I hope if she is with you that you can make her see how she hurt us and one day she may have the chance to make it up to us who knows. Always Thinking of you stephen by the way me and trev picked a boys name the other day incase our next baby is a boy what do you think to Maximus Stephen-Joseph Frater get back to me on that one :D I love you x x x